A few friends of mine got together and elected me spokesperson for this platform.
We have great parents, teachers and mentors that have prepared us to receive God’s best, so we don’t have time for any foolishness!
The dating world is a crazy maze. If you’re going on a standard first date, you can use whatever rules that make you comfortable.
Maybe you want to meet them at the location.
Maybe you want to go on a mini date prior (like 30 minutes at a coffee-house or something).
Maybe you want to refer to your Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man book by Steve Harvey for the basics and rules.
Patti Stanger from Millionaire Matchmaker has some great tips too.
The Grunt Work
If this “relationship” seems that it may get remotely serious then you need to put in some hard-core parameters. No need in having your time wasted. Remember, we talked about this in last week‘s post. So here we go:
A little something that I have coined called the “Dating Consultation Committee” consists of 4-6 people who have had a vested interest in your success, kind of like Olivia Pope and Associates (minus all the scandal of sleeping with presidents and spies). Two of them should be of the opposite sex. They all look at the case in the early stages and decide if WE are going to take the case. They will each follow the case from their varying backgrounds and weigh in on each date, series of calls and texts and render their best advice. They have a high spirit of discernment and can sniff out counterfeits like a DEA dog. If any say no, sorry dude you’re probably not going to make it.
If a potential makes it far enough through the process to meet anyone on the committee, you have to be ready to present your BEST. Somewhat like a cat that comes in with a rabbit that he just killed in the yard and lays on the kitchen floor with pride (that sounds kind of creepy but that’s how cats are. I’m not saying kill the guy, but you see where I’m going with this…)
Friend endorsement will fast-track you through. However, the friend will be given a waiver that will keep the friendship in tact if you end up being a jerk. You can’t possibly know everything about everyone.
Background check. We can’t have any cray-cray’s. Well, we all have a certain level of craziness, but you really need to know what you’re getting into. $30, his date of birth and a social security number (if you can secure it) will do the trick. Now if they are a teacher or work for the government, you might be able to skip this because this is regularly monitored.
Credit check from all three bureaus and a fourth secret bureau. Or just ask him for a copy. People say this is harsh, but you will pay someone $250 to inspect a house and you KNOW you will be on Carfax all week checking out a new car. So why won’t you thoroughly check out someone you are seriously dating and may possibly marry? 9 times out of 10 you gave him the cookie but don’t know his FICO score. Hmmm.
Most marriages end because of financial issues, so checking this out is key. If it’s gets to the point you are talking marriage and he won’t cough up the credit report, it may be time to part. Why? His debt will become your debt anyway so you have every right to know this info prior. Oh, you should cough up your report as well.
Whenever I date a guy, I think, ‘Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?’ -Rita Rudner
Standards & Non-Negotiables
I had a date with a guy once and he told me that women need to be open to sharing a man. He was dead serious. I had to do the Scooby Doo look on that one. REALLY? SHARE? FOR WHAT? He was referring to the black male shortage and if you want a good black man with a good job, blah, blah, blah. I told him I would get a dog.
And who said I was only dating black guys anyway?
One of my guy friends asked me if a guy didn’t have a job would I date him. I said “No.” He said “What if he didn’t have a car. I said “No.” He said, “Well what if he didn’t have a job or car because..” I had to cut into his conversation. I said “Listen Honey, I just can’t do that. I have post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) when it comes to stuff like that and I just can’t. The Lord knows me well. He knows my heart and what I’ve been through. He’s not going to have me driving some dude around all the time or be with someone who can’t do for me. Now, if I meet this guy later and he has a job and a car then we shall see.” He looked at me like I was just being too hard.
Sorry, you just don’t have time to “make anyone.” You don’t have time to hold hands and wade through the muck of his beginnings. I’m 41 years old, you will have an AARP card in 9 years. Ain’t nobody got time for dat!
Now if you’ve established yourself and you are trying to get to the next level, we’re all into doing some grunge work to help a brother out.
A disclaimer for my ladies in their 20’s, be open to a man in his 20’s/early 30’s with potential and holding his hand as he strives to get there. He’s age appropriate for that. If he’s over 40 and just starting out, forget it.
We all prospect, and don’t even know we’re doing it. When you start the dating process, you are actually prospecting for the person you want to marry. When you’re interviewing employees, you are prospecting for someone who will best fit your needs. –Zig Ziglar
Why am I taking this firm stance? Ladies, its time for you to stop settling. It’s time for you to stop thinking your clock is going to run out and you just “pick a card, any card.”
After a review of this post, it is quite possible that you are setting yourself up to be alone (just for a brief moment) with these standards.
I guess why they call it “the road less traveled.”
If it makes you feel any better, I have instituted these steps into my own life. It took awhile but I am currently dating someone, it has gotten serious and we have discussed all of the above items.
…and he’s still around.
If a person really wants to be with you, they will SERIOUSLY do what’s required to get you.
In Tyler Perry’s play “Madea’s Happy Family,” he said that a woman who has been raised by a good father would rather be 95 years old living with a house full of cats than settle and deal with some joker. If it comes to it, I’m prepared. Don’t sleep on the great deal you can get on cat food and litter with a Sams Club card and a coupon.
Soooo, I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this article!