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About My Divorce Pt 2: FAQ

16475040Welcome to the second leg of this series!  If you missed part one, click here.

I am so, so excited about all of the positive feedback I received on the comment section of the last post and on Facebook. When you go out on a limb you just never know what people are going to say, as people can be really cruel at times.

I am at a place in my life right now where I don’t really care as much about what people think. I mean I “care” but at the same time I don’t…if you get that.  I care about what perception people have of me in regards to if I am  a person of integrity, reliable, compassionate, etc.  What I don’t care about is when I make a decision about something what people think about me and their opinions on that.  Get over it.

On a side note, my mom snickers every time I talk like this because she knows I have achieved one of my worst fears as a child…becoming her.

 

What people think of you is really none of your business.” Martha Graham

Now on to Business…

So what I’ve decided to do is put together the questions that I am asked most.  The answers will be quick and to the point for two reasons. One, I have to keep the word count in my posts as low as possible.  Secondly, you KNOW I will post about these in more detail later.  So here we go…

What is your living situation now?

I’ve been back at my house since July.  I decided to buy him out, so the house is now in my name.  There are no major issues with me being able to handle the expenses there as I used to be in charge of our budget.  Also, I got stuck paying the mortgage (long story and future post) and my personal expenses by myself for the last year and a half so all I really had to do was add utility bills to the mix. If something breaks, I know who to call.  If I don’t, my neighbors are pretty handy guys and they have people.  It’s all good.

What were your biggest obstacles?

Endless transitions. In the beginning, we were separated in the same house and that was just crazy. Neither one of us would move out and since I got stuck paying the mortgage,  I definitely wasn’t going to move.  It appeared to be amicable for a few months, but as time passed it just became too difficult.

I left the house after about 6 months (two days after last Thanksgiving), and pretty much went through a “new normal” just about every week. First, I moved from my house in the suburbs to my mom’s rental property in the heart of Philly. Due to some legitimate safety concerns (of being followed) and the fact that I had to make the tough decision not to turn on the gas (which means I had no heat, hot water and couldn’t use the stove), I had to move around a lot for the winter months–living between my rental property and two of my friends houses. I didn’t sleep very well and pretty much took sleep meds the whole time. Lastly, me and a long-time friend fell out over the divorce situation.  That broke my heart.

What is the craziest thing that happened to you?

There were a few incidents involving cops. I spent Thanksgiving morning at the police station. Right before the Christmas holiday, my vehicle caught on fire at a gas station. I had to involve the cops in my personal affairs on three other occasions and they got so used to my calm disposition in their dealings with me they tried to recruit me to the academy. True story.

 

“Sometimes you’ve got to let everything go – purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you’ll find that when you’re free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.” – Tina Turner

How do you feel about your ex?

I am human, so I was in the beginning I was angry, bitter and all that.  I run into him every now and a blue moon and when I see him no butterflies, fear or fits of rage, just indifferent. Life is short and I have learned that the time that I have left on this earth cannot be spent expending negative energy. Plus, I am too excited about moving on to give it a second thought.

Did your relationships change with his family?

No.  Whoever I have wishy-wash relationships with in the family, we had it before all of this happened.  I am super cool with all of his siblings and their spouses.  Actually, me and one of the brothers are the best of friends and talk all the time (keep your scandalous comments to yourself…smh).  Another brother-in law and his family check on me from time to time to make sure things are cool with me and the house. He has a carpentry business and he had always been the go-to guy for that kind of stuff.

Are you dating?

Yes, and let’s just say that it has been a very interesting experience.  I know people say that it is hard out there and it really is, especially when you’ve changed your standards and actually stick to them. Expects posts on my experiences in this arena. Some really funny stuff!

Would you get married again?

Of course!  I don’t have a problem with marriage like I said in my last post.  I would love to be married again.

 

Stay Tuned!

There are more questions but just not enough space so stay tuned for the final leg in this series About My Divorce Pt. 3: Final Thoughts

Now if you have any feedback or would like me to answer some of the items above in more detail, go to the comments section at the bottom of the post and go for it!

I leave you with one of my favorite songs by my girl Fantasia.  This is from the play “The Color Purple,” which I had the pleasure of seeing her in.  She is singing the song “I Am Here” which is about going through trials and realizing her self-worth and the beauty of the future that awaits her.  Enjoy!

 

 

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9 comments

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  1. Em

    As always, I’m impressed by your positive attitude and amazing ability to write about these situations in a thoughtful and humorous way. Which is you in real life also! Haha! When you tell the story of the car, please do a video post, it’s so funny when you tell it!

    1. Nichole Renee

      Ha, ha! Yes, that sounds like a great idea. That car story was a riot…now that I can laugh about it. I need to get a camcorder. Sounds like a Black Friday experience.

      By the way, who’s going to hold the camera, do we need to go back to the scene and who’s going to play my character?

  2. Stania

    Wow. This is not only helping me to understand your situation but another friend’s divorce situation as well. Thank you again for a a great read. You are the bomb.com:)

    1. Nichole Renee

      Thanks Stania! What are the parts that are helping you understand my situation and your friends?

  3. Em

    We need to find a camcorder! And clearly someone totally famous and fabulous should play your role! And we should have hot fire fighters! Hmm, we have a lot of work to do! What if it goes viral?!?!

    1. Nichole Renee

      Come on now, you know we are working with a limited budget.Focus the majority of the funds on the hot fire fighters(just make sure we don’t recruit from the station that responds to our fire drills). That’s what will make it go viral. Now we have to get in contact with Mr. Doyle for some direction!

  4. Keisha

    I’m just so impressed by your honesty, and I’m amazed by your strength throughout this journey in your life. I understand your growth – getting to the point in life where you don’t care what others think. I’m getting there myself. What is healthy, peaceful, and honorable for you is where you need to be, even if you’ve gotta make tough decisions. Keep on Moving!!!

    1. Nichole Renee

      Hi Keisha! That means a lot coming from you. We’ve shared some of our trials, dreams and such. I don’t see how you manage it all with your little crumb snatchers, lol. I am strengthened by feedback like yours. It lets me know that I’m moving in the right direction. You keep it moving too!

  5. Shawn

    Hi Nichole!

    I am so proud of you for being transparent! Your transparency is refreshing! I know that you have strength to go through what you have gone through. I especially love when you talked about giving advise and counseling to others and your life seemed to be more full of drama than those you were assisting. Isn’t it interesting that we can sometimes busy our lives and busy ourselves when we are in the midst of some challenging times?
    I have worked side by side with you on several projects in the ministry and you have always displayed an inner strength and tenacity! You are a beautiful, faithful and a multi-talented woman whom I know will do some great things! I can’t wait to see all that your future holds…it is exciting, but the most exciting thing is the woman you have involved into through it all!!!! I love you and admire you and in your own words “KEEP IT MOVING SUGAR!” (I ADDED THE SUGAR – LOL)

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