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How this Little Precious Almost Lead Me to a Life of Crime

 

I had to have it by any means necessary.10732208_10204091014493924_548853446_o

I know this week’s post was to be about the jazz of life lessons, but just ONE more funny before we get started.


 

My nephew, Sebastian Conley Betole, graced us with his presence about a week ago.  All 9 lbs and 4 oz of YUMMY!

So yes, another trip down south was warranted.

I arrived on the day that he came home from the hospital and was greeted by my brother-in-laws mother. She flew in from France and was in the midst of cooking one of her infamous spreads. They are from Cameroon and the custom is that the grandmother stays with the family for 2-3 months to help with the baby.

A Matter of National Security

At some point on the first day of my visit, Sebastian began having breathing problems.The nurse prepped my sister prior to leaving the hospital, telling her his breathing may change when he gets home due to the air of the hospital versus home. So she was expecting this. But it just kept getting worse.

He was trying to nurse, struggling to breathe, crying and had the hiccups.

Poor kid.

We were looking at each other trying not to overreact, but wondering it we had to take him back to the hospital.

The dad turned the baby every angle.  He dipped him down on the right side. He deeply scrutinized the left side. The mom and the dad took a look in his nose and saw complete darkness on one side.  We knew what THAT was.

color-purplr-celieNow, I’m literally sitting there watching him strategize to get this thing out. I felt like Celie in that kitchen scene from The Color Purple ( where she sat in the rocking chair with her chin nestled in her hand waiting for “Mr.” to burn down the kitchen trying to cook Shug’s breakfast).

They had one of those nose suction things and tried it.  It didn’t work. They found another in a drawer.  It didn’t work either.  They kept asking my opinion. I don’t know why they asked me—I raised adolescents and teenagers (my step kids) but skipped all that baby stuff.

 

Sister is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship.
Margaret Mead

 

His mom came in and said something in French about how they would have to suck it out by mouth.  My sister and I looked at each other like “Uh…No!”  My brother-in-law wasn’t too crazy about it either.  She said something else in French and left.

He comes back with a warm compress to put over the baby’s nose. Then he started with the nose sucker thing again.  It was like a scene from Fishing Wars, where the guys throw the bait out, the fish takes the bait, they reel it in and the fish finds a way to get off.  This goes on for about 35 minutes.  Sheer frustration.

He comes back in with a renewed sense of vigor, like one of the guys on Fear Factor going in for that last gross bowl of Egyptian cockroaches covered in pig testicle juice to win the big prize. He swiftly picks up the baby and puts his mouth over his nose and sucks.

No success.

He goes for one more shot.

Then it happens.

We hear this pop. Silence set over the room as we looked at what caused all that chaos. Who knew what a booger could do! Could you imagine if this was the 1st plague that God put on the Egyptians? That would have been the last one.

With that, my brother-in-law sticks out his chest and makes a decree: “I think I just earned a trip to the gym!  My sister was like “Yes!” and yelled something about him being the newest member of The Justice League. I can’t take it.

I was like “Really dude? Aren’t you supposed to be doing manly, gross stuff?”  But I just tried to mind my business, because remember, I skipped that whole phase of babies. Hey, if they think the oral extraction of mucus holds the key to the kingdom, who am I to bust their bubble.

All I know is that it was quiet after that.

What is Your Greatest Fear?

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Now, let’s get to my dad.

From what I understand about men, it doesn’t matter how fearless or outgoing they are– they don’t like holding newborns.

So on day 5, he still hasn’t touched the baby.  He just stares at it from afar.  Eventually on day 6 he makes his way to the crib, but not too close.  He kind of touches the baby and moves his hand quickly like it was a hot stove.

Later in the day, we had to do an intervention. My brother-in-law just walked over to him and told him he was giving him the baby.  He tried to fake us out by telling us he needed to wash his hands.  We blocked the hallway and pointed to the hand sanitizer on the table. His plan was foiled.  You can take a look at the pic to the left and see how it unfolded.  Priceless!

Now to The Life of Crime Part

There is still the issue of this rocking chair and book.  Everyone thought I came down for the baby, but I had a dual motive. If you have no idea what the big deal is, read the last post “A Robbery, Dirty Diapers and BOTH Grandmas.”

My sister and I had a mature conversation about the missing Three Billy Goats Gruff book.  She tells me that I got what was coming to me because I hid the book. She claims that my parents told her that I was jealous because dad read it to her all the time. No hard evidence of this, just false accusations all around. Typical.

She goes over to the shelf and there is a stack of baby books.  My eyes light up.  She goes through the stack title by title, telling me which ones are in French and which ones are in English.  I’m not paying attention and don’t really care because I only have one thing on my mind.

Here is my chance to get that book.10731252_10204094827949258_834584045_o

My eyes glazed over, but my sister is on to me.

“Oh, that book is not in here.  It’s in my room somewhere.”

I immediately gave up on the book after that.  She is a top-notch hider and I would never find the needle in that haystack.

However, there was one more prize to claim…the chair.

Now, I made sure I packed very lightly for the trip because my plan was to take it back with me. Yes, on the plane.

The book would have been no problem, I saved space for it in my bag. but the chair was another issue. Can this count as my personal item? Yes, I’m still obsessed with this chair.  Much like Gollum on The Lord of the Rings and his “precious”…I had to have it.

 

The love of family and the admiration of friends is much more important than wealth and privilege.
Charles Kuralt

 

 Well you know how this story ends.  No chair and no book.  But I’m a “Tee-Tee”  now.  What else do I need?

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Permanent link to this article: http://www.keepitmovingblog.com/2014/11/02/how-this-little-precious-almost-lead-me-to-a-life-of-crime/

3 comments

  1. Em

    He is sooo precious!! Congrats on being an aunt!!!

  2. Kate

    What a cutie!!! And look at all that hair! Congrats!! And good job to your Bro-in-Law… that sounded disgusting!

  3. redletterwritingdiva

    I love this post. Congratulations! What a beautiful baby, and your family is such a blessing!

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