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What it Would Require to SERIOUSLY Date Me…and Other Women Like Me That Don’t Have Time for the BS!

Online-Dating

A few friends of mine got together and elected me spokesperson for this platform.

We have great parents, teachers and mentors that have prepared us to receive God’s best, so we don’t have time for any foolishness!

The dating world is a crazy maze.  If you’re going on a standard first date, you can use whatever rules that make you comfortable.

Maybe you want to meet them at the location.

Maybe you want to go on a mini date prior (like 30 minutes at a coffee-house or something).

Maybe you want to refer to your Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man book by Steve Harvey for the basics and rules.

Patti Stanger from Millionaire Matchmaker has some great tips too.

The Grunt Work

If this “relationship” seems that it may get remotely serious then you need to put in some hard-core parameters.  No need in having your time wasted. Remember, we talked about this in last week‘s post. So here we go:

  • A little something that I have coined called the “Dating Consultation Committee” consists of 4-6 people who have had a vested interest in your success, kind of like Olivia1618 Pope and Associates (minus all the scandal of sleeping with presidents and spies). Two of them should be of the opposite sex. They all look at the case in the early stages and decide if WE are going to take the case. They will each follow the case from their varying backgrounds and weigh in on each date, series of calls and texts and render their best advice. They have a high spirit of discernment and can sniff out counterfeits like a DEA dog. If any say no, sorry dude you’re probably not going to make it.

    If a potential makes it far enough through the process to meet anyone on the committee, you have to be ready to present your BEST. Somewhat like a cat that comes in with a rabbit that he just killed in the yard and lays on the kitchen floor with pride (that sounds kind of creepy but that’s how cats are.  I’m not saying kill the guy, but you see where I’m going with this…)

  • Friend endorsement will fast-track you through. However, the friend will be given a waiver that will keep the friendship in tact if you end up being a jerk. You can’t possibly know everything about everyone.

  • Background check.  We can’t have any cray-cray’s. Well, we all have a certain level of craziness, but you really need to know what you’re getting into. $30, his date of birth and a social security number (if you can secure it) will do the trick.  Now if they are a teacher or work for the government, you might be able to skip this because this is regularly monitored.

  • Credit check from all three bureaus and a fourth secret bureau. Or just ask him for a copy. People say this is harsh, but you will pay someone $250 to inspect a house and you KNOW you will be on Carfax all week checking out a new car.  So why won’t you thoroughly check out someone you are seriously dating and may possibly marry?   9 times out of 10 you gave him the cookie but don’t know his FICO score. Hmmm.

    Most marriages end because of financial issues, so checking this out is key. If it’s gets to the point you are talking marriage and he won’t cough up the credit report, it may be time to part.  Why?  His debt will become your debt anyway so you have every right to know this info prior. Oh, you should cough up your report as well.

 

Whenever I date a guy, I think, ‘Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?’ -Rita Rudner

Standards & Non-Negotiables

I had a date with a guy once and he told me that women need to be open to sharing a man. He was dead serious. I had to do the Scooby Doo look on that one. REALLY?  SHARE? FOR WHAT?  He was referring to the black male shortage and if you want a good black man with a good job, blah, blah, blah.  I told him I would get a dog.

And who said I was only dating black guys anyway?

One of my guy friends asked me if a guy didn’t have a job would I date him.  I said “No.”  He said “What if he didn’t have a car. I said “No.” He said, “Well what if he didn’t have a job or car because..”  I had to cut into his conversation. I said “Listen Honey, I just can’t do that.  I have post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) when it comes to stuff like that and I just can’t.  The Lord knows me well.  He knows my heart and what I’ve been through. He’s not going to have me driving some dude around all the time or be with someone who can’t do for me. Now, if I meet this guy later and he has a job and a car then we shall see.” He looked at me like I was just being too hard.

Sorry, you just don’t have time to “make anyone.” You don’t have time to hold hands and wade through the muck of his beginnings. I’m 41 years old, you will have an AARP card in 9 years. Ain’t nobody got time for dat!

Now if you’ve established yourself and you are trying to get to the next level, we’re all into doing some grunge work to help a brother out.

That’s sexy.

A disclaimer for my ladies in their 20’s, be open to a man in his 20’s/early 30’s with potential and holding his hand as he strives to get there. He’s age appropriate for that. If he’s over 40 and just starting out, forget it.

We all prospect, and don’t even know we’re doing it. When you start the dating process, you are actually prospecting for the person you want to marry. When you’re interviewing employees, you are prospecting for someone who will best fit your needs. –Zig Ziglar

Why am I taking this firm stance? Ladies, its time for you to stop settling. It’s time for you to stop thinking your clock is going to run out and you just “pick a card, any card.”

Real Talk

After a review of this post, it is quite possible that you are setting yourself up to be alone (just for a brief moment) with these standards.

I guess why they call it “the road less traveled.”

If it makes you feel any better, I have instituted these steps into my own life.  It took awhile but I am currently dating someone, it has gotten serious and we have discussed all of the above items.

…and he’s still around.

If a person really wants to be with you, they will SERIOUSLY do what’s required to get you.

In Tyler Perry’s play “Madea’s Happy Family,” he said that a woman who has been raised by a good father would rather be 95 years old living with a house full of cats than settle and deal with some joker. If it comes to it, I’m prepared. Don’t sleep on the great deal you can get on cat food and litter with a Sams Club card and a coupon.

 

Soooo, I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this article!

Permanent link to this article: http://www.keepitmovingblog.com/2014/12/14/what-it-would-require-to-seriously-date-me-and-other-women-like-me-that-dont-have-time-for-the-bs/

8 comments

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  1. Tasha Mack

    I soooo love this article, being officially divorced after a long 3 year process, I have been actively dating for about a year and have contemplated settling…but I woke up one day and said to hell with that. I promised myself I wouldnt do that again. I knew what I wanted in my next relationship and if that meant I had to travel that road you spoke of…then so be it. I prayed to God specifically the desires of my heart concerning my future partner and let it go. I believe I have finally met him (and I did have him checked out…I know people lol )…and we have discussed those above terms, so I am looking forward to what life is going to bring and I feel very good about a future with him. Thank you for your blog and so happy to see you KIM (keeping it moving) !!!

    1. Nichole Renee

      Thank you Tasha for your insight. Once you’ve gone through the nonsense you have to do your due dilligence to cut down on the chances of it happening again. We might not get it 100% right but it increase our odds dramatically. I am glad that you have discussed those terms with your mate. Those are the main things that we gloss over because we are so “in love” and think it will change or dissapear. People think I am a bit extreme, but hey, I ain’t built for everybody. Thanks for subscribing!

  2. AJ

    I think this is a good post with a lot of good points. I don’t think everyone is going to agree with your “grunt work” of doing background and credit checks. I think the point is you need to do your “due diligence” and find out the information that is important to you when you’re pursuing a serious relationship. Often times I think women have two main problems: complete lack of standards or too many non-negotiables. Hopefully this post will help those women zero in on what is important to them to find a good relationship.

    Btw, that quote of cancelling dates was hilarious – the girl has to, but the guy had two, lol.

    1. Nichole Renee

      AJ, thanks for the nod. Yeah, a lot of people give me the side-eye when I talk about this. They think the committee is cute but made up. They gawk when I talk about the credit check. The person’s credit doesn’t have to be perfect but it does give you an indication of the habits of the person you are getting ready to link your life too. Better to find out now than later. And yes, I found the quote hilarious…because that happened to me too, lol! Thanks for being a regular on the blog!

  3. Soko J. Zabalou

    Well crafted!!!

    1. Nichole Renee

      Thank you Soko! I am glad that you liked it.

  4. Kate

    Hey there! Wow! This is some serious business! you are not messing around! I think I agree with one of your other commenters, AJ, who was talking about lack of standards and “due diligence”. I think you made some great points in this post, but I also think some of it is a little much. I also agree that most women have a complete lack of standards, or drop them when they get frustrated or scared of being alone too long. Keeping those standards, or putting them in place is a must! Women need to get back to realizing that we DO deserve the best and can have it. Part of that also includes doing your “due diligence”. I may not do a complete $30 background check, but you know I at least “goggled” a guy! hehe.

    1. Nichole Renee

      Thanks for the comment Kate. Yes, some of it is a bit much but hey–just trying to give the folks some options. You don’t have to do them all, but definitely consider the spirit behind them. Buyer/Lover beware, LOL!

      P.S. Btw, I agree with Fred there towards the bottom there. He taught me a lot of that stuff.

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